omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
