I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
