goodnight i made you a song goodbye
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
