you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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