just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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