During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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