Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
