No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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