thus making me awesome and them whores
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
