how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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