good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize