last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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