She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
