Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
