I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
