Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
