i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
