just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
