he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
