i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
