Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
