Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize