Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
