I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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