I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
