So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
