I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize