hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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