As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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