I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
