I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
