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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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