You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
