Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
