when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
