The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
