She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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