I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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