if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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