She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
