What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
