It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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