This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
