dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
