My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize