Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
