Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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