i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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