Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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