He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Terrible idea I love it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
