I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
