Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
