She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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