Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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