After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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