I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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