You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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