Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
