I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
