just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
