I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
