Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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