also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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