Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
