I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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