you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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