Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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