Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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