I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
