I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize