i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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