is your mom at the bar?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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