plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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