i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
