I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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