OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
