so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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