return my video game
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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