Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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