I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to align my fucking chakras
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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