you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I could fuck to npr.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize