fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
