im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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