So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
