I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
