i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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