just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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