He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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