There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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