I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
