You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
