Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need Xanax blowdarts
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
