nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
