I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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