I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
