that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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