my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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