What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
