She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
