drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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