i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize