ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
