you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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