fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
