um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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