make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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