a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
