Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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